I noticed today that my hair's getting long. It's poking me in the eyes. I think my eyelids are seriously rubbed raw from the abuse. >< Hn. It seems to have gotten scraggly, and the natural dark golden is taking over the white-blonde highlights I've worn so long. I always kept it at such straight angles. But it makes me look like a little boy, so maybe it's best if I let it grow out like this. I'm twenty years old, after all. I just wish it'd grow past my eyes so I can push it back already. Maybe I'm too vain. But Raye gets upset when I talk about cutting it. I don't mind so much... It'd be a crime for those little fingers not to have something to twirl.

There's a lot of things that I feel like are staring me down, breathing down my neck. I should care more. But as always, I'm defiant. I don't give a fuck. I get through anything because I'm willing to climb up and over; step on anything in my way, even at the risk of pain or suffering. There's always a way, and I'm going to find it.

Kazu keeps saying he's going to die. Life's trying so hard to tear him apart, and it's pissing me off. Quite frankly, I'd punch fate in the face right now if I could, for fucking with my little brother like this. He deserves so much damned better.


I feel like the way we were raised, the way we grew up as ghosts of children has doomed us all. Sometimes I feel like it's a cosmic joke. I look around me at this tattered group of people. Myself, Raye, Kazu, Masumi, Mica, Ichiru, Nobu...even people like Nena and Nemo and I wonder what the hell we did wrong. I say this without bias: Everyone of us named is a fucking genius. Some of us are more skilled then others. Some have better common sense and life skills. Others have next to none but are still more brilliant than the combined efforts of fifty others off of the street. We are the best and brightest of our age; meant for each other in ways that can't be explained by words and yet... the world is leaving us behind.

We can't conform to society. Even the ones like me and Masumi; epic bullshitters as we like to call ourselves. Even our nice-faced lies aren't good enough to allow us to survive. We've taught ourselves so much. All of us far from home and without families. Orphans who wander looking for something more because we know that this just can NOT be all there is. We know better. And yet every time we make a move, it's the combined efforts of a society that's gone backwards that thwarts us. We can fight all we want, and there are always more of THEM. More of the herd. And we get trampled every time... pearls tossed to swine. It's wrong. And I can hear the voice of reason somewhere amidst it all. It's weak and nearly forgotten, but it has to be there.

It doesn't make sense that we can't survive. Why the skills we've worked so hard for are worthless without their god forsaken pieces of paper. I'm frustrated, but ready to fight.

Lately, I've realized that I get ridiculously competitive and far too jealous of those around me. Maybe it's because I've always been unlucky. Maybe it's because I know better somewhere in the depths of my heart. I don't know. Maybe... I don't know. And that is probably what hurts the most every day. I don't know. Tomorrow is a gray spot in my vision that I can't get to focus. No matter how hard I try. If I continue this way, the way I always have, will I make it another year? Another week? I don't know. Maybe I will, or maybe I'll end up burning out in a blaze of glory like I always laughed about doing when Kazu and I were kids. We always said it "We'll die in battle!" Because the two of us wanted some kind of glory; the feeling of being on top for once. Something that neither of us have ever known and never will. Kazu and I will always be knocked out of that spot. Another why that won't be answered. It's not that we're not good enough. I keep telling myself that. It's that they just can't see our potential. For some of us, it's beyond potential. It's sheer brilliance, refined by years of suffering and still nothing. No respect.





We carry His legacy. His Justice. And this life is our only chance to make sure it lives on.